Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
