I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
