you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
