im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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