he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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