Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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