I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
