nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
