How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
