My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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