I'm really into asian looking animals
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
