then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
