i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
