Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
