Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
