i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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