well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
