Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
