His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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