Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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