Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
