Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
