i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
