Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize