Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
