I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
