you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
