Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
