never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
