don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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