did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
