How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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