i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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