Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
