honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
