How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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