If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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