i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
