Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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