First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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