hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
