dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Im part way to drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
