So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
