Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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