And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
did you just send me my own nude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
