he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
