So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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