Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
