Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
