Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
