If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
