THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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