Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
