Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
