So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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