i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
