so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
