you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
