OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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