I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
