I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
