I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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