i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
