On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
