Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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