It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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