i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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