I accidentally had phone sex last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
