This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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