He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
