I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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