i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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