Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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