R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
