So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
