But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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