i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
