after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
