i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
